smell my finger.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
