It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I think i got beer on your cat.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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