Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
