my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
