It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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