id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just pee around me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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