apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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