i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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