the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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