His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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