Little spoons don't ask big questions
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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