That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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