he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
