The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Bring me that man meat
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
