Pregnant stripper...not hot.
only if we run a train.
done.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
