You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
