Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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