I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's blow job season.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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