Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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