You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
