The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
