we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
3pm strippers are depressing
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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