You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
