My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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