i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
