who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
