hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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