i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
