trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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