Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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