Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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