I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
A+ Viking dick
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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