make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i now understand why vodka
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
