fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize