remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
