I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize