you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
