I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My bed smells like the plague
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
