shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
