it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
