i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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