my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And then my night got REAL pukey
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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