My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
