i may or may not be watching the land before time
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
