i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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