I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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