is your mom at the bar?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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