You smell like stripper and shame
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
