Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
