Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
