Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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