youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
