i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
