take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize