i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize