dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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