I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
