Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
