I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
