My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
