i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
