what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
