eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
