remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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