I hate all girls vehemently.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
