Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
