if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
