Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we're making bets on your personal life
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
