i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize