The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
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