Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
