I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
