i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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