At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize