Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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