Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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