i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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