Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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