i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
