My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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