with your own penis?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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