Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
