you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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