My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
