oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
