Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
