Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
