people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize