She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
