It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
