I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This is my life. Enjoy the view
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
