when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
