my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
