I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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