Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
