Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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