I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize