This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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