Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
