First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
