I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize