where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
