I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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